If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
