i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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