Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
i now understand why vodka
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
