Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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