Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
