please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
