so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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