i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
