there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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