She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
