ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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