I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
