so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
