saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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