it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
