Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
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