listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Randomize
