I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
