So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize