So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
