dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Randomize
