at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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