mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
