sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
