Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
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