Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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