That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
