TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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