Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
