Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Randomize