This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
