I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Randomize