Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
