I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
He felt like a one man threesome
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
