were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
