dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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