clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Randomize
