i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
birth control should be required to get into college
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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