this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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