Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
