if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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