Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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