Christians are straight up FREAKS
margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize