respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
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