If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
