Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
