So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
