It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
