My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
