I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
