video games are the ultimate cock blocker
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
