i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
