Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
