Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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