Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
