I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
And then my night got REAL pukey
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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