You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
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