Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
