Your face is a jimmy john
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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