if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
