so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
