Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
