Will you blow on my dice?
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
