so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
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