i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
