I seem to have left my pride at pride
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize
